tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-85638513920860048312024-03-19T10:58:20.981+08:00rants and ravesRantings from the inside of my head.Furrantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15029735734293615265noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8563851392086004831.post-41623152709703276662019-03-09T20:30:00.002+08:002019-03-09T20:30:43.258+08:00Whateverism and New MusicOriginally posted at https://swiftnoise.bandcamp.com/releases<br />
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<span style="color: rgb(46.666000%, 46.666000%, 46.666000%); font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 16.000000pt; font-weight: 700;">Whatever, I don’t care
</span><br />
<span style="color: rgb(46.666000%, 46.666000%, 46.666000%); font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-weight: 700;">Rantings from the inside of my head - tongue in cheek
and foot in mouth
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<span style="color: rgb(46.666000%, 46.666000%, 46.666000%); font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-weight: 700;"><br /></span>
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<span style="color: rgb(16.862000%, 20.784000%, 23.529000%); font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">I have stuck my neck out a country mile here making up my
own meaning for a word. Is that OK? Does it even matter?
Whatever. I don't care.
</span><br />
<span style="color: rgb(16.862000%, 20.784000%, 23.529000%); font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">In this article, have decided not to focus much on the strictly<br />
political meaning of whateverism ("I will uphold whatever policy decisions the leader made, and
follow whatever instructions the leader gave.”), because if you are interested in this, there is a
plethora of information out there you can find easily with a quick search. I have decided to think
about the idea of whateverism as an opposition to the fundamentalists and traditionalists. To do this
I have chosen to think about whateversim in the context of the new music world. I could just as eas-
ily chosen pop music culture as a starting block, but that would have been too easy, and I find ques-
tioning new music practice much more fun.
</span><br />
<span style="color: rgb(16.862000%, 20.784000%, 23.529000%); font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">Before I get started I would like to point out that I am being a bit of a devil’s advocate here, as I of-
ten do on my blog page, however at the root of this is my opinion. Just to remind you what that
means before you start needing to put your knickers back on because I am pissing you off for what-
ever reason, I would like to remind you what the job of a devil’s advocate is.
</span><br />
<span style="color: rgb(16.862000%, 20.784000%, 23.529000%); font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: rgb(13.333000%, 13.333000%, 13.333000%); font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 14.000000pt; font-weight: 700;">devil's advocate (noun)
</span><br />
<span style="color: rgb(13.333000%, 13.333000%, 13.333000%); font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">a person who expresses a contentious opinion in order to provoke debate or test the strength of the
opposing arguments.
</span><br />
<span style="color: rgb(13.333000%, 13.333000%, 13.333000%); font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: rgb(16.862000%, 20.784000%, 23.529000%); font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">I thought I was a nothingarian, a person with no particular beliefs,<br />
however as I also have high moral and ethical standards it seems that<br />
I may be a follower of whateverism. Seemingly apathetic, not caring<br />
about the consequences of my actions necessarily, but having ethical<br />
standards yet enjoying eliciting a response. I have used the term<br />
“whatever” repeatedly when discussing my music with others who<br />
largely seem totally perplexed at my attitude to my creative pro-<br />
cesses. I used to play in bands but I got bored. I also hated the way<br />
marketeers appropriated ideas from music to make money. My music<br />
is a big fuck you to traditionalists and marketeers. I actually make<br />
conscious decisions about how I go about this. I am constantly break-<br />
ing the rules about how I make my music, the sounds and the rhythms. If I could count the number
of times people have given me unsolicited advice I’d need more fingers.... </span><span style="color: rgb(16.862000%, 20.784000%, 23.529000%); font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">you could use autotune,
to avoid feedback you need to.. use a metronome to keep in time... you should get a laptop and you
wont need pedals, you should get Ableton... </span><span style="color: rgb(16.862000%, 20.784000%, 23.529000%); font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">Why? So I can sound like everyone else and make notes
and rhythms that feel safer and more comfortable? Well I explain that I am not interested and they
usually persist to which I sometimes respond “whatever” and smile. I love to confuse people like
this. It means that they have noticed that things are not quite right.
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<span style="color: rgb(16.862000%, 20.784000%, 23.529000%); font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">Consider this. New music these days sometimes seems like covers or interpretations of the early
contemporary new music composers. Many a contemporary music academic is classically trained
and has the difficult task to attempt to unlearn this in some senses to try to create new music. How-
ever, from this platform and a set of beliefs that things must be done a certain way, its is difficult for
such people to actually create truly new music. I have seen way too many performances of new mu-
sic of the works of early new music composers, or something that emulates this, or using the same
tools used by the early new music composers, such as graphic scores. Many are using laptop com-
puters and live mix some sounds (probably some found sound they found somewhere). This sounds
more like an electronic music producer to me than a new music composer, although the sounds used
will of course determine the final result. None of these things are new anymore and are wrapped up
in the notion that to be accepted that they must follow a set of rules created in the academic world
for what new music is.
</span><br />
<span style="color: rgb(16.862000%, 20.784000%, 23.529000%); font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">Another restriction in the creation of new music is the obsession to name and categorise everything.
Musique concrete, microtonal, free improvisation and so on. This encourages the creation of more
music of the same kind. I was recently asked to make a track for a harsh noise wall compilation, and
it was emphasised that it had to be wall, not just harsh noise. Immediately I am hemmed in and so
this project has come to a sudden stand still. It’s really not all that different in its function to say a
country music singer songwriter writing new songs that can be recognised as belonging to that
genre.
</span><br />
<span style="color: rgb(16.862000%, 20.784000%, 23.529000%); font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">Surely new music can only be new once? Once upon a time the new music composers would have
been groundbreaking and exciting. How about ignoring what acceptable notes and rhythms are?
No? Whatever. Things are supposed to be in time with each other... why? Also, why do we have to
document it with a score? I feel that to create truly new music a person needs to shed the restrictions
of these rules (whateversim in the political sense) and state a big “whatever” to all this.
</span><br />
<span style="color: rgb(21.568000%, 24.313000%, 29.803000%); font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">Even if a musician doesn't want to do this as a final result, why not just stop worrying about the
structure of the composition and just go with your heart and feelings and see what happens? You
don’t need everything to be like something else. You don't have to do everything to achieve some
socially constructed measure of success. Stop thinking so much and be yourself. You just might
have fun with it. If someone questions it, you can always just respond with “whatever”. </span><br />
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Furrantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15029735734293615265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8563851392086004831.post-7016480172129613012018-03-15T22:56:00.000+08:002018-03-15T23:41:09.839+08:00PTSD is not coolAs person with PTSD I have started to question if it is currently fashionable to claim to have it. Facebook is full of CWs (content warnings) and TWs (Trigger warnings) for all sorts of things deemed possibly triggering.<br />
<br />
I usually read these regardless and rarely do they trigger me.<br />
<br />
This is because PTSD doesn't work that way.<br />
<br />
I have a suspicion that people are confusing becoming upset or angered by something as a trigger.<br />
<br />
With someone who actually has PTSD this is annoying and it certainly doesn't help someone who actually has PTSD who has a desire for people to understand what this actually is.<br />
<br />
I was raped and beaten repeatedly over a few months by an ex, threatened with crude weapons, locked in cupboards, stalked for almost a year when I left. I am a smart woman but once in this dynamic it is very difficult to leave out of fear for worse. The perpetrator makes sure you know this. I am a very resilient person and I was strong in the face of this. What tipped me over the edge was the people that are supposed to protect me being the health professionals (psychiatrists) and police officers telling me that I was being paranoid that this person wanted to kill me who then went on to murder my mother. The court case resulted in a hung jury and then in the second court case (just imagine going through this twice) deciding he was not guilty on the grounds of insanity. The psychiatrists in question were there in court saying he was paranoid schizophrenic after telling me I was paranoid. These people released him from the mental hospital despite my begging them not to.<br />
<br />
PTSD reared its ugly head. PTSD is the result of being unable to make sense of events and more importantly being unable to do anything about it. Feeling helpless despite what appeared to be common obvious sense.<br />
<br />
I had been raped before and I coped by assuring myself that it was not my fault. At this point I did not have PTSD. I was just pissed off. Similarly being harassed by guys and having sex when young with people that I regretted didn't cause me this much pain that I got PTSD.<br />
<br />
Not everyone is as resilient as me, and its true that a lesser assault can cause PTSD. People who have experienced abuse as a child will almost certainly develop PTSD and this is terribly sad.<br />
<br />
Back to my point. Triggers are caused by different things for different people. So a warning about content, that usually reads like a news story, is not necessarily a PTSD trigger. Sure it may be upsetting, unsettling and angering. I have no doubt of that. Being harassed at a gig or someone acting in a sexist manner or unfairness in the workplace are frustrating and wrong, but I struggle to understand how that would be the cause of PTSD. Surely people have the strength to cope despite the injustice. Maybe I am wrong and I apologise if that is the case. I would suspect something else more sinister prior would have lead to PTSD<br />
<br />
PTSD triggers are unpredictable or may be related. My trigger causes a full visual of my mother being stabbed. It feels like I am there and helpless to stop it.<br />
<br />
For me it can be as simple as seeing a knife block or seeing someone that looks like my beautiful mum, or reading someone talk about how the justice and legal system is fair and good. I can watch a TV show or movie with shootings, but I can't handle knifings. I can watch serious documentaries about rape but I can't stand anything that glorifies extreme bloody violence, or see a blood splatter even in a serious show about forensics. A cowering dog really upsets me because I retrieved the family pet from the family house shortly after my mum was brutally stabbed. I saw things that no one should ever see in that house.<br />
<br />
People from war zones, places of extreme violence, lived a life of no safe place as a child, witnessed abuse of a family member and was powerless to do anything... These things will certainly cause PTSD. Extremely powerless situations. You lose or never had the ability to change the situation.<br />
<br />
PTSD will cause symptoms that I know very well.<br />
<br />
I sometimes ask people that say they have PTSD about what symptoms they have. I expect to hear certain things. I know what they are. I am dismayed by how often a person who claims to have PTSD doesn't have any of the symptoms. What they do have is anger and a feeling of being violated. This is very sad, and I hope they get the life skills to cope and get on with having a better life.<br />
<br />
I was not diagnosed with PTSD till 4 years after my mum's death, but had it well before then, and my goal ever since has been to live a full life despite. Its not easy but it can be done to some degree. It takes a ton of motivation and its well worth it. I am proud that I have not ever been a junkie, never wanted to cut myself. I have contemplated suicide. Through this I have learned when it is worth sticking up for what I believe, and I do. I have a strong sense of justice and I am outspoken. I have dedicated my life to trying to improve the quality of my life by doing that for others.<br />
<br />
I have had two people tell me that that "its cool" or I have "hip cred" by having the experiences I have had. I was disgusted. Its not cool and hip cred is shallow.<br />
<br />
Tonight I hope to sleep without the same dream. Tonight I sleep in a safe loving place.<br />
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<br />Furrantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15029735734293615265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8563851392086004831.post-52123831197437658082017-07-29T21:23:00.002+08:002017-07-29T21:23:29.182+08:00That moment when you delete your post because you are worried about....<br />
<br />
your job<br />
your future job prospects<br />
the possibility of a future fascist government<br />
the possibility of an invasion by a fascist country<br />
what your family might think<br />
your travel prospects<br />
your gig opportunities<br />
being labelled<br />
alienating people<br />
how people may use it against you in future<br />
<br />
<br />Furrantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15029735734293615265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8563851392086004831.post-27338046813291328832017-02-22T22:42:00.001+08:002017-02-22T22:42:39.568+08:00Toxic Chicken Remix - Furchick - March of the Feathered Friends<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/N6MxHEwzBnk" width="459"></iframe>Furrantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15029735734293615265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8563851392086004831.post-15681244956105342192015-02-02T17:56:00.000+08:002015-02-02T17:57:59.255+08:00Biohazards"Biological hazards, also known as biohazards, refer to biological substances that pose a threat to the health of living organisms, primarily that of humans."
<br />
<br />
Well, that pretty describes my close up Biohazard experience. The only threat though was to the band member himself.<br />
<br />
My room mate in New York was always getting asked out on dates by rock stars. This time it was some guy from Biohazard. She was freaking out about it and considered not going. Then she asked me to come along like some kind of ugly girl chaperone. I thought this was worth a laugh so off we went.<br />
<br />
We met this guy outside the movie theatre. He was already drunk and smelly at 11am and kept trying to stick his tongue down her throat. He had a six pack of beer with him. We bought popcorn.<br />
<br />
So in we went... and I can't even remember what the movie was. We sat down and no sooner had the movie started when we realised that he had already downed the six pack.<br />
<br />
He passed out. We watched the movie and then we left. We left him there snoring.<br />
<br />
I reckon if I played in this band I would have to drink myself stupid too.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UJXafdjQbs">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UJXafdjQbs</a><br />
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<br />Furrantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15029735734293615265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8563851392086004831.post-88392942598446173372012-07-17T14:00:00.000+08:002012-07-17T14:01:28.039+08:00Girly soundy storiesHaving worked as a sound engineer, doing live and studio sound in the past, I have frequently been astonished by some people’s reactions to having a girl doing the job.
I was never one for good behaviour at gigs and had a great time as result. As a result these stories below were always a good story to tell your mates later.
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Once I was setting up a band ready to record. I got the guys in the band to set up their music gear in all the appropriate places. Turned on all the studio gear, put a fresh reel to reel tape on (yep, ‘twas some time ago). Got out all the microphones and stands and set them up. Plugging things in, lugging things around, marking up the instruments on the desk for each track for which mic it matched and so on. Once this was all completed I asked the drummer if he could go sit behind the drums and start hitting the drums so that I could do an EQ on each drum. He ignored me and the boys cracked open beers and lit up doobies. After about half an hour I asked them when they wanted to get started. The response I got was...
“Shouldn’t we wait for the sound guy to show up? Maybe you should give him a call?”
So I asked them who they thought I was.
“Well, your boyfriend is pretty late. Tell him to hurry up.”
So I told them, “I am the sound guy”.
You should have seen their faces.
Another time, I was doing live sound, and this “friend of the band” kept telling me to “do this” and “do that”... that I should bump up some particular frequency, quoted in numbers, on some particular instruments, and it was unrelenting. I queried him...
“How do you know all this stuff?”
He said he read it in some magazine.
So I said, “Alright then, you do it. I am off to the loo and to get a beer.”
So there I was standing at the bar watching this guy, enjoying my beer, and he was shitting in his pants. He kept moving knobs and buttons but then putting back how they were. He started looking around for me. Eventually I felt sorry enough for him to go back.
“Where the hell have you been? Thank god you are back.”
“Oh, I was having a beer. I figured you were an expert and knew what to do.”
Sound story number three.
I was mixing a very loud punkish band at a scooter club convention and the scooter girls, who prefer ska and Motown, were disturbed by the sound and volume and kept coming over and screaming at me to turn it down.
So I did. I put all the faders on zero. It didn’t make two shits difference. So there I was, having a lovely time, getting screamed at again, and I started laughing my head off. I let them yell for a bit more and then showed them that everything was on zero and they couldn’t understand it. Not one bit. They just got madder at me, so off I walked to the dance floor for a bit of a sway while they stood at the desk freaking out and they came and physically dragged me back to the desk. So I literally turned it off and showed them this, but of course it was still loud as fuck. At this point they finally clicked on and left me alone. No apologies mind you. Never is when you are a soundy.
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<br />
So rather than delve straight into talking about burlesque I thought I would consider what is a Fringe Festival. In my mind such a festival is largely not curated and happens on the fringes of a main festival which is curated. This means that a fringe should be available to one and all, professional or amateur to participate, in any art form. <br />
<br />
I feel it should be a platform for artists to be able to try out new and risky ideas.<br />
<br />
So, if a Fringe Festival is largely one “art” form, then it probably is curated and not really a fringe event. <br />
<br />
Given the open nature of fringe then burlesque should be welcome to be a part of the event, but if this is at the expense of diversity then I start to question what is going on.<br />
<br />
As a female performer who is quite comfortable with my body and not a prude by any means, I would like to see more women involved that don’t feel the need to show some tittie in order to be involved. Or vice versa..... guys that want to simply create without feeling pressured to be a particular kind of show man.<br />
<br />
So is burlesque art? There are a million sites that talk about the art of burlesque, but the references are the same as the art of strip tease. Maybe this is something that burlesque artists need to address? There is also an art to cooking. But does that make it art?<br />
<br />
Art is well known for its ability to encourage dialogue. Some of the burlesque shows I saw at the fringe last year succeeded in this respect. They had messages in their show, albeit in a satirical manner. <br />
<br />
So.... See you at the burlesque. I’ll be having a bevvie and enjoying myself immensely, but I don’t know if I will feel like I am at a fringe art event, but I will be having a good time.<br />
<br />
And just for invasion day in a couple of day (Australia Day)... here is a swell image to get you in the mood. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdKq3EYf5lUQGovxQEeZugMM5LjLp9nA4y-9wHIe4JsfHPztb-0xf5bdUSMN7EXoI-qOvAtj-tfkK7u0Z7YVMsegPKlkiwe2xu4a9pzJEkhdL1rQkYaAhCUYSIUnOpkduPkgHanI_fTuE/s1600/strip.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="296" width="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdKq3EYf5lUQGovxQEeZugMM5LjLp9nA4y-9wHIe4JsfHPztb-0xf5bdUSMN7EXoI-qOvAtj-tfkK7u0Z7YVMsegPKlkiwe2xu4a9pzJEkhdL1rQkYaAhCUYSIUnOpkduPkgHanI_fTuE/s320/strip.jpg" /></a></div>Furrantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15029735734293615265noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8563851392086004831.post-70077936890225004842011-07-06T08:14:00.003+08:002011-07-06T08:14:39.122+08:00I wonder....Where the hell do I get these stupid ideas from?Furrantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15029735734293615265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8563851392086004831.post-64289438930865018982011-07-05T23:23:00.000+08:002011-07-05T23:23:24.344+08:00Boobs, titties, norks and pendulums.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0cU7CyEYyv4sht2yqF50BBBF2sEyqODaYaMo72NkC9rPTsTJ1jHFRpMFsMVYHpwV8t1aRvxijWn_bPwIUXw2G2UYO6bdIQ2zHNd9Lxw7ZMSCMNwN4XaoGnVd9Qv-apyXzUZs5ra97jUU/s1600/Boob.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="211" width="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0cU7CyEYyv4sht2yqF50BBBF2sEyqODaYaMo72NkC9rPTsTJ1jHFRpMFsMVYHpwV8t1aRvxijWn_bPwIUXw2G2UYO6bdIQ2zHNd9Lxw7ZMSCMNwN4XaoGnVd9Qv-apyXzUZs5ra97jUU/s320/Boob.jpg" /></a></div><br />
I wonder what it's like to have big boobs?<br />
<br />
All I ever hear about from women with big boobs is how problematic they are. I suspect this is only because they feel sorry for me. <br />
<br />
Not sure they should bother.<br />
<br />
"Oh, it's really awful. Guys always talk to my boobs and not to my face"<br />
<br />
Diddums you silly bitch. Maybe if you didn't wear a low cut top with that massive cleavage they would look somewhere else? Give them a break. Even I cant help looking at that!!!<br />
<br />
Then the next statement goes like this...<br />
"I bought this top and its really annoying. It keeps riding down and showing my tits"<br />
<br />
That's right chickadee.... it's a low cut top and your large pendulums are going to wiggle around and gravity is in action.<br />
<br />
"And then I have to keep pulling it up"<br />
and wiggling your tits???????<br />
<br />
Then there is the sleep story...<br />
"Oh, it's so horrible. My tits are so big I wake up in the middle of the night with my tits under my armpit and I am squashing them"<br />
<br />
OW! That actually sounds painful.<br />
<br />
Then there's the girls with the huge norks that tell me...<br />
<br />
"You are so SKINNY! Maybe you should see someone about your anorexia"<br />
<br />
Jezzus! I am not anorexic. I love food. I just burn up energy jumping around because I am not worrying about my tits.<br />
<br />
Imagine if I said....<br />
"You are so FAT! Maybe you should see someone about your eating problem"<br />
FARK... I'd go down like a ton of bricks.<br />
<br />
So what would I be like with big boobusses?<br />
I have to admit, that it could be kind of fun.<br />
The mind does boggle.Furrantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15029735734293615265noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8563851392086004831.post-32801367176455826352011-04-29T02:26:00.000+08:002011-04-29T02:26:20.393+08:00Wanker Beer<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjw41BuFKTaXFe3PGfBUHwO4_qD0jeFhcHxZkwckzR1KgjFQ3X_yMTWaMKhc19NZonoT_FEd0LDiss_9M9mFalhaYAPNjU2dMqyeL7koe6xu2b2MgLv0rwYuYtbgaxS5FKIDgs5p81MqmI/s1600/weanker.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjw41BuFKTaXFe3PGfBUHwO4_qD0jeFhcHxZkwckzR1KgjFQ3X_yMTWaMKhc19NZonoT_FEd0LDiss_9M9mFalhaYAPNjU2dMqyeL7koe6xu2b2MgLv0rwYuYtbgaxS5FKIDgs5p81MqmI/s1600/weanker.jpeg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">After feasting your eyes on this illustrious beer bottle label one would be excused to conclude that this is the perfect beer for the habitual wanker. However, I was disappointed to learn after buying a bottle that the joke was lost on my american friends and that they didn't understand why I was laughing so goddam hard that tears were running down my cheeks. I was advised not to buy it given it is not very nice beer. But I did of course and drinking it I could not help wonder if anyone had spoofed into it at some point in the production. People from the antipodes simply cant drink this beer without having these kind of thoughts, and I am not entirely convinced that Mr Wanker of the Wanker Beer Brewing Company is completely in the dark over this.... just check out this video. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rvFbSWCNXo">Wanker Beer photo shoot video</a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Best comment to the video would have to be "I'm a wanker and I drink beer".</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Well guess what mate? So do I, but not at the same time.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rvFbSWCNXo"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div>Furrantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15029735734293615265noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8563851392086004831.post-25519616386986474502011-03-22T21:46:00.000+08:002011-03-22T21:46:43.130+08:00Well then, why don’t you just piss off then!<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">On the weekend I was driving home and saw a sign that said ...</span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Psychic Fair, 6 April, Town Hall.</span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">....and it occurred to me that if they were really psychic they wouldn’t need a bloody sign. They would just know it was on.</span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">This reminds me of the number of times people have told me that I am clairvoyant, but I suspect they are just getting confused with my name.</span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">... and how about this one?</span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> “What star sign are you?” </span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">“Aries”</span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">“Ah!!! That explains everything!”</span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Really? What does it explain apart from the fact that I am born somewhere between this date and that? </span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Does it explain the overuse of the word experimental by bands playing 4/4 beat who think they are really out there when they aren't? I don't think so. Does it explain why my tits hurt today? Somehow I doubt it. I could clearly go on and on here so I will refrain.... </span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">The most annoying part about this exclamation "That explains everything" is that these people usually refuse to tell me what they think it explains and often go on to tell me that they don’t really get along with Aries very well and are not compatible with them. </span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">“If you are going to be like that with everyone that tells you they are Aries I am not fucking surprised!”</span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div>Furrantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15029735734293615265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8563851392086004831.post-15648380226048841812011-01-20T20:14:00.000+08:002011-01-20T20:14:36.905+08:00Tits and testiclesSomeone asked me the other day if my boobs were saggy and I am pleased to report that the answer is no. I explained that they passed the pencil test. That's where you place a pencil under your tit and if it stays.... saggy tits. Admittedly I dont have big ones, but they are actually a size B which is bigger than I would have expected given I was probably AAA at age 18. In fact they seem to keep growing albeit very slowly, and one seems to be growing faster than the other one which gives me an excuse to play with them, not that I need one. <br />
<br />
I do recall being called ironing board at high school. Ironically this was by the girls whose tits were super saggy at age 16. These were the girls that the guys would go "Cor! She's alright!" over. Little did they know that her over the shoulder boulder holders were working hard to keep them off her stomach, and from what I accidently copped an eye full of in the school pool change room, were not a pretty sight. Nipples at the bottom of the hang and stretch marks. <br />
<br />
In response to the incessant bullying I made a badge that I wore on my uniform that proudly stated "flat not fat". That shut them up but also got me sent to the head office. <br />
<br />
I finally escaped the wrath of bogan high school bitches and went on to do better things like play with rams balls. You see when I got to uni we had a lab class with rams. I was reminded of these pendulous boob items in the form of rams balls. Hot rams balls, not cold ones. You see we had to conduct an experiment where a tubular cloth bag was tied around the rams balls at one end and a blow heater on the other. To top it all off was a thermometer firmly shoved up the rams arse. This scientific endeavour involved measuring the likely impact of temperature on a ram's fertility and on their ability to keep their body temperature low in summer heat. We also had a ruler to measure how well hung the rams were. Then we constructed a graph of our results. <br />
<br />
The findings were that the better hung the rams were the better they were able to keep their body temperature at optimum conditions, and also the more likley the sperm count would be high. <br />
So there you go guys. Stop measuring the length of your dick and start measuring how well hung you are. It may well be more important.Furrantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15029735734293615265noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8563851392086004831.post-16388874097776329822011-01-17T22:12:00.002+08:002011-01-17T22:12:14.595+08:00It's possible that.....My life is just like yours... probably.<br />
But maybe not.Furrantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15029735734293615265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8563851392086004831.post-23554416456205720992011-01-10T19:10:00.000+08:002011-01-10T19:10:00.785+08:00Talking about sex with girlsActually I think it might be more grammatically correct to say "Talking with girls about sex". Sex with girls would be a different topic, but being a girl maybe the title "Talking about sex with girls" might intrigue you more. But that is not today's topic.<br />
<br />
Boys talk about sex all the time. According to researchers the average male turns their thoughts to sexual intercourse 13 times a day – a total of 4,745 times every year. In comparison, women think about sex just five times day – or 1,825 times a year, which is reasonably often.<br />
<br />
Being a bit of a tom boy from way back I have heard alot of male conversations about sex, and I am sure that I have heard the more R rated versions.... not XXX, but it's not very often that I have heard women, apart from my closest female friends talk frankly about sex. <br />
<br />
One such occassion when women I vaguely knew were talking about sex was some years ago when I was working for a city council. It was one of those around the water cooler staff room conversations. <br />
<br />
There she was in all her glory.... tall, gorgeous, blonde, perfectly shaped bottom, ample tits, tight fitting clothes. To put it bluntly every teenage boys wet dream. We will call her Babe. <br />
<br />
Anyway, here was Babe lamenting about her unsatisfying sex life. Her boyfriend, who was a looker in a beef cake no brain kind of a way, was unable to bring her to orgasm. She certainly had alot to say about his inadequacies. She asked for my advice. I was a bit taken aback, cos she hardly ever even looked at me. So I made some suggestions on what they could do. Babe insisted that they had tried it all. <br />
<br />
OK... how about telling him what you do to make yourself come when you mastabate?<br />
<br />
She insisted that she didn't "do that". That is was "disgusting". Of course I didn't believe her but she was insistent. Turns out that she had never had an orgasm in her whole 27 years.<br />
<br />
Now fellas, I know what you are thinking. How could that possibly be true. However, I then learned that 3 of the six women in the group claimed not to wank. <br />
<br />
You are kidding me?<br />
Nope.<br />
<br />
OK..... so you want your boyfriend to do all the work then? <br />
Yes Babe does. It's his job evidently.<br />
<br />
So I pointed out that if she cant bring herself to orgasm what chance has her boyfriend got? Diddly squat I'd say!<br />
<br />
Well, listen up nerdy indies guys. Next time you are drooling over some hot babe... you are wasting your time. 1) She only likes beef cakes, 2) it will be lame, and 3) she will make you feel inadequate and you will start questioning your manhood.Furrantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15029735734293615265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8563851392086004831.post-81339657900807393422011-01-02T09:33:00.000+08:002011-01-02T09:33:38.304+08:00Dangerous cougars in the local dog parkDog parks are supposed to be places of relaxation and tranquility. A place to peacefully walk your dog.<br />
<br />
My local dog park has become a den of iniquity. Just last week I almost trod on a large dog poo. This was no ordinary poo. The local council had failed to supply doggy bags to pick up doggy business for two weeks running and some sicperson person had taken it upon themselves to collect up poop and mould it into a large sculpture of a dick and balls. I am still trying to picture who may have done this. Did they collect up the poop or was it from a dog the size of a horse?<br />
<br />
Today there was stolen bike. Mongoose trick bike. I thought about bringing it home but I cant be bothered fixing the flat tyres. A couple of weeks ago some men rocked up in a bogan car and running right out of the car a man was escaping from the other passengers. In a ditch on the other side two men proceeded to pummel the fleeing passenger. When questioned by park goers and threatened with a call to the cops, they all raced back to the car and drove off... including the pummelee. One can only speculate what was going on here. Maybe he slept with his brother's wife? <br />
<br />
Drug dealers do deals in the car park, and the locals seem none the wiser about it. Kids tag the BBQ and cook what ever they can find on it. I dont think I will ever eat off a public BBQ ever again.<br />
<br />
But the most frightening thing of all at little dog park is the cougar pack. This group of single women in love with their pampered pooches is the scariest of all. They tend of congregate in a gang in the middle of the park surrounded by their (non)vicious beasts who are bored out of their brains because they actually want to go for a walk. "Arf arf arf" they go.... falling on deaf ears that want to trap you into their conversations about internet dating and the injustices of ex-husbands and their new girlfriends. "I only got the small house" "I wanted the family car not the runabout"..... AAAHHH!!!<br />
<br />
I was trapped by them yesterday as I tried to skirt around the perimeter. They all wanted to know what I did for new years. So for once I told them the truth.... saw the sunset, let off some fireworks in an enclosed space, got home at noon.... they didn't seem to know quite how to respond. Maybe they will leave me alone now.<br />
<br />
However, if you are a single middle aged lonely man wanting to get laid then I suggest you borrow dog and go for a walk. Beware though.... it might cost you.Furrantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15029735734293615265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8563851392086004831.post-51239356911517652112011-01-01T14:03:00.000+08:002011-01-01T14:03:08.863+08:00My wings are like a shield of steel<span lang="EN"> He punched her in the head <br />
And she laughed furiously<br />
He held a mirror to her face and she cried<br />
Sometimes he scared her<br />
And not because of any threat of violence or abuse<br />
But because he held a mirror to her face <br />
And made her take a long hard look at wrinkles and flaws<br />
She looked closely at him<br />
She could see things in him<br />
That were also in her<br />
Making her both sad and angry<br />
No men were like him<br />
No women like her<br />
They were two beautiful creatures<br />
She said<br />
Your bullets cannot harm me<br />
My wings are like a shield of steel<br />
</span>Furrantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15029735734293615265noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8563851392086004831.post-43309587588245281752010-12-31T13:48:00.000+08:002010-12-31T13:48:05.441+08:00No real estate leaflets, no junk mail and no billsDropping my friend off at home today I noticed that on the letter box there are scratchings.<br />
<br />
<strong>No real estate leaflets, no junk mail and no bills</strong>. <br />
<br />
I enquired on the success rate to learn that two out of three is pretty good. <br />
<br />
Junk is only junk if you dont want it. <br />
<br />
Junk mail pamphlets are a waster of trees and I cant recall the last time I actually bought anything from recieving one. Unsolicited mail. Spam in the mail box. VIRTUAL.<br />
<br />
Bills.<br />
<br />
We think we dont want them, but really we are paying for services. These are things that make up the fabric of our comfy safe suburban lives. <br />
<br />
Hands upon ears, listen to the whinging bastards.... power bills are too big... what? we have to pay for water..... <em>moan moan middle class suburban moan</em>!<br />
<br />
I think that water should be more expensive to stop people using so much of it and that renters should pay for the excess use. Given that the supplies are low low low, people with teenage girls taking 30 minutes showers to shave their legs, armpits and pussy lines should pay through the nose.<br />
<br />
Fuckem! We are likely to run out of water this year before the rains come again.<br />
<br />
Electricity... well guess what guys and girls, you may be on the skeptics jury deciding on whether the increasing temperatures are due to humans or the natural cycle of our planet, but the fact is, who wants to take a chance. <br />
<br />
So maybe these bills are junk and that we should be forced to get rainwater tanks and self generating electricty sources. <br />
<br />
But hey, can you afford it? Most of my friends couldn't. If you can, then I reckon you should. It may well come in very handy one day when you least expect it.Furrantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15029735734293615265noreply@blogger.com0